100 Easy Ways To Lose A Man

Lights, Camera, Action: Operation Dump Him!

Want to single and ready to mingle? Let's face it, sometimes a relationship runs its course. Maybe you just need a change of scenery.

Here's your ultimate, hilarious, and slightly exaggerated guide to reclaiming your solo status. Consider this your playful "how-NOT-to" manual for keeping a guy around. Ready to roll?

The Kitchen Catastrophes

1. Serve him a burnt offering...I mean, dinner. Extra crispy is key!

2. Add a "secret ingredient" (think: excessive garlic, ghost peppers, or his least favorite vegetable) to every dish. Bonus points for disguising it well!

3. Accidentally (on purpose, wink wink) use his toothbrush to clean the toilet.

The Communication Killers

4. Reply to every story of his with, "Uh, that's nice, anyway as I was saying about my new car..."

5. Develop a sudden and intense interest in interpretive dance whenever he tries to have a serious conversation.

6. Start speaking exclusively in movie quotes. See how long it takes him to notice!

The Hygiene Hazards

7. "Forget" to shower for a week... or two. Embrace your natural musk!

8. Clip your toenails in bed. Leave the clippings as little "gifts."

9. Wear his clothes, but "accidentally" shrink them in the dryer. Every. Single. Time.

The Social Sabotage

10. Insist on singing karaoke... off-key... very, very loudly. Choose songs he hates.

11. Tell embarrassing stories about him to his friends and family. The more outrageous, the better!

12. Accuse him of flirting with the waitress, even if she's 80 years old. Drama, drama, drama!

The Home Invasion (of Annoyance)

13. Rearrange his sock drawer alphabetically by color, then criticize his system.

14. Replace all the lightbulbs with blacklights. Instant mood killer!

15. Start a collection of taxidermied squirrels. Display them prominently.

The Pet Peeve Parade

16. Chew with your mouth open. A lot.

17. Constantly interrupt him when he's talking. "Oh, that reminds me..."

18. Leave passive-aggressive notes around the house. Example: "Did someone FORGET to flush the toilet?"

The Financial Fiasco

19. "Accidentally" max out his credit card on shoes. "But they were on sale!"

20. Start a pyramid scheme. Insist he invest all his savings.

21. "Borrow" money and never pay it back. Claim it was a "gift."

The Tech Terror

22. Change all his passwords to "password."

23. Constantly post embarrassing photos of him on social media. Tag everyone he knows.

24. Answer his phone calls and pretend to be his secretary. "Sorry, Mr. Important is in a meeting."

The Style Statement (of Singledom)

25. Start wearing matching tracksuits. Everywhere. Even to fancy restaurants.

26. Dye your hair a color that clashes horribly with his eyes.

27. Get a questionable tattoo of his ex's name.

Even More Ways to Say "Sayonara!"

28-100. (Fill in the blank with any other annoying habit you can think of! The possibilities are endless!). Constantly talk about your ex, refuse to compromise on anything, develop an unhealthy obsession with conspiracy theories, never clean up after yourself, become a competitive couponer, start sleepwalking and redecorating the house at night, start practicing the flute at 3 am, replace all the furniture with inflatable furniture, and insist on speaking only in a made-up language.

Remember, this is all in good fun! But if you're seriously unhappy, the best way to lose a man is to be honest with yourself and him. Good luck!