13 Levels Of Fear Conneaut Lake 2021

Okay, folks, let's talk about fear. But not the existential dread kind. We’re talking about the Conneaut Lake Park, "13 Levels of Fear" kind. Specifically, the 2021 edition. Did it live up to the hype? Maybe. Maybe not.

The Fear-o-Meter: My (Potentially Unpopular) Scale

I've devised a very scientific (read: totally subjective) scale. It goes from "Mildly Startled Hamster" to "Full-Blown Adult Diaper Emergency." Prepare yourselves.

Level 1: The Entry Gate

This is where you're most terrified of the ticket prices. Am I right? Seriously, haunted houses are getting expensive. My wallet was trembling more than I was.

Level 2: The Line Waits

The anticipation! You're surrounded by teenagers hopped up on sugar. They are screaming before they even SEE anything scary. Honestly, the screaming IS the scary part.

Level 3: Mild Maze Mishaps

Oh, you went the wrong way? Backtracking through a room full of fake cobwebs? Annoying, not terrifying. More like a toddler's art project gone rogue.

Level 4: Jump Scares (the Predictable Kind)

Someone jumps out. You flinch. You immediately know it's a teenager in a mask. Yawn. We've all seen it before. Give me originality, people!

Level 5: Questionable Makeup Choices

Okay, some of the monsters' makeup was… questionable. Like, did they just buy the clearance bin stuff at the drugstore? Points for effort, though.

Level 6: The Chainsaw Guy (Distant Roaring)

You hear a chainsaw in the distance. You know he's coming. The anticipation builds. It's like waiting for your pizza to arrive.

Level 7: The Chainsaw Guy (Close Proximity)

He's closer now! Still roaring. Chasing people. But is it scary, or just loud? Debatable. Mostly loud, in my (humble) opinion.

Level 8: The One Creepy Doll

There's always ONE doll that’s genuinely unsettling. Its eyes follow you. It knows your sins. That doll deserves its own level of fear.

Level 9: Claustrophobia's Closet

Tiny spaces are not my friend. This level is all about tight corridors and sudden darkness. My inner hamster started to panic a little.

Level 10: The Illusion of Falling

Some spinning vortex thing. Made you feel a little dizzy? Maybe queasy? Definitely not scared. More like, "I shouldn't have eaten that corn dog."

Level 11: Unexpected Physical Contact

Did a monster brush past you? Did you accidentally bump into a zombie? This level is all about personal space violations. And mild awkwardness.

Level 12: The Final Gauntlet

A barrage of scares! They are trying to get you at every turn. But you're prepared. You're a seasoned haunted house veteran now. You barely flinch.

Level 13: Existential Dread (Upon Leaving)

This is the REAL fear. The realization that you just spent a small fortune to be mildly startled. And now you have to go back to real life. Shudder.

So, there you have it. My completely biased, totally accurate assessment of Conneaut Lake's 13 Levels of Fear 2021. Your mileage may vary. But hey, at least you got some exercise, right?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lie down. And maybe invest in some earplugs for next year. Just kidding! ...Mostly.