50 Shades Of Grey Read By Gilbert Gottfried

Okay, hear me out. I have a confession. It's a weird one.

I think 50 Shades of Grey, read by Gilbert Gottfried, would be... amazing.

Unpopular Opinion Incoming!

I know, I know. It sounds insane. A romance novel read by the voice of Iago? But just picture it.

Think about the sheer chaos. The utter comedic brilliance!

Consider Anastasia Steele’s internal monologues. Delivered in Gottfried's signature screech?

The Voice of Chaos

Imagine Christian Grey's pronouncements. All booming and slightly unhinged.

The infamous red room scenes? Absolutely hysterical. Delivered with maximum Gottfried energy.

“Oh, Ana-stay-sia!” he'd shriek. It’s already iconic in my mind.

Seriously, picture the scene where he buys her a car. "It's a Saab, Ana-stay-sia! A very expensive Saab!"

I'm not saying the original book is high literature. Let's be honest.

But Gilbert Gottfried could elevate it. Transform it. Into something truly special. Something… unforgettable.

Why It Works (In My Head)

The absurdity of the pairing is the key. It’s so wrong, it’s right.

50 Shades takes itself SO seriously. Gottfried takes nothing seriously. Ever.

The contrast would be comedy gold. A beautiful, terrible, golden masterpiece.

Think of all the awkward silences in the book. They would be 100x funnier.

He'd probably add little ad-libs and asides. "Oh, Christian! You dog, you!"

Suddenly, the pain cave is less scary. And more like a wacky funhouse.

The Critics (Probably)

I know the reviews would be brutal. "Sacrilege!" they'd cry.

"A mockery of romance!" Others would declare.

But I wouldn’t care. I’d be too busy laughing. Until my sides ached.

Plus, imagine the audiobooks. They'd become instant collector's items.

People would buy them just for the novelty. But they'd stay for the… well, the Gottfried.

Let's be real. Everyone secretly enjoys a bit of schadenfreude. This would be the ultimate indulgence.

My Plea to Audible

So, Audible, if you're listening? Make this happen. Please.

Give the people what they never knew they wanted. 50 Shades of Grey, read by Gilbert Gottfried.

It’s a risk, sure. But imagine the reward! The internet would explode.

I’m not saying it would win a Pulitzer. I am saying it would be legend...wait for it...dary!

Just think of all those "safe word" moments. All perfectly delivered by the master of comedic timing.

Maybe it's a terrible idea. But also, maybe it's genius. You decide. I've said my piece.

And maybe, just maybe, you secretly agree with me.

Don’t be ashamed. Embrace the absurdity!