7 Stations Of The Cross Tomb Raider

Lara Croft's Easter Adventure: My Totally Serious Take

Okay, hear me out. Easter's coming up, right? And everyone's talking about, well, you know. But I've got a different kind of devotion in mind.

I'm thinking about Lara Croft. Specifically, a Tomb Raider-themed Stations of the Cross. Before you click away, promise you'll indulge me!

Station 1: Lara is Condemned to a Sequel.

Imagine Lara facing the studio execs. "Another ancient artifact, Lara? Another world-ending threat? Be original!"

The pressure is on. She's doomed to another adventure, it seems. We all know how that feels, right? Stuck in a loop?

Station 2: Lara Takes Up Her (Giant) Backpack.

Lara hoisting that enormous backpack is iconic. It's full of climbing gear, health packs, and probably a spare braid tie.

That thing looks heavy. Like carrying the weight of all forgotten civilizations. I'd complain, but she makes it look good.

Station 3: Lara Falls the First Time (Probably Off a Cliff).

Let's be real: Lara falls. A lot. Mostly from cliffs. Or collapsing platforms.

It's usually her own fault. She’s always vaulting a bit too aggressively. "Oof!" she grunts. We’ve all been there; one too many margaritas at the Easter brunch.

Station 4: Lara Meets Her Long-Lost Friend (Who Will Betray Her).

Every Tomb Raider game has that one character. The old friend! The wise guide!

They seem so helpful at first. Then BAM! They're after the artifact for themselves. Never trust anyone in a fedora.

Station 5: Simon Says Lara to Crawl Through Another Tight Space.

Ugh, these are the worst. Dark, damp tunnels where you can barely see.

And there's always spiders. Or bats. Or both. Why, Lara, WHY? We feel your claustrophobia.

Station 6: Lara is Nailed to the Puzzle.

Those puzzles. Oh, the puzzles! Rotating statues, reflecting light, balancing weights.

Hours spent trying to figure them out. Sometimes, I'd rather face a T-Rex. Seriously. I needed a walk-through video to escape it every time.

Station 7: Lara Rises (Ready for Another Adventure).

In the end, Lara always prevails. She gets the artifact, defeats the bad guys, and emerges triumphant. A little bruised, maybe.

But always ready for the next tomb. And that, my friends, is the true meaning of Easter… or something like that. Don't tell the Pope!

So, maybe my Tomb Raider Stations of the Cross is a little unconventional. It's my own fun take on tradition. A modern take, if you will.

Happy Easter, everyone! May your chocolate bunnies be plentiful and your tombs be puzzle-free. Lara Croft would be proud, maybe!