And By The Way He's Safe With Me

Ever been entrusted with something super precious? Like, REALLY precious? Think Grandma's antique teapot, or maybe your best friend's secret stash of gourmet cookies?

That's the feeling I get when I think about him. And by the way, he's safe with me.

He's in Good Hands, People!

Seriously, folks, I'm not just saying this. I'm practically a fortress when it comes to protecting the things (and people!) I care about. I have the dedication of a golden retriever guarding its favorite tennis ball.

Think of it this way: If safety were a sport, I'd be winning gold medals. I’m not just about physical safety, although I'm pretty good at dodging rogue shopping carts in the grocery store.

No, I'm talking emotional, mental, spiritual… the whole shebang! I provide a sanctuary.

Operation: Cozy Zone Activated

My house? More like a stress-free zone. I've banned all negativity within a five-mile radius, mostly enforced by strategically placed houseplants and a constant stream of calming music. And by the way, he's safe with me!

Need a pep talk? I'm your gal. Feeling overwhelmed? Let’s watch cat videos and eat ice cream.

I consider myself a professional listener, a skilled cuddler (when appropriate, of course!), and an expert at deflecting awkward situations.

I've Got this, Don't Worry

Some people collect stamps. I collect safe places. My heart, my home, my mind – all certified safe zones.

He’s got access to all of them. Because, and by the way, he's safe with me.

I’m basically his personal bodyguard, cheerleader, and therapist rolled into one slightly clumsy, but well-meaning, package.

Consider Me the Ultimate Guardian

Worried about heartbreak? I'm on it. I can sniff out a bad date from a mile away. I'm like a dating app with a built-in "run for the hills" feature.

Anxious about work? Fear not! I'm a master of brainstorming, stress-ball squeezing, and reminding him that he's actually brilliant, even when he forgets. I keep reminding: And by the way, he's safe with me.

Seriously, he could probably win a "Most Relaxed Person on Earth" award just by being around me. Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration.

But you get the idea!

"Don't worry about a thing," I always say. "I've got your back. And by the way, he's safe with me."

The Proof is in the Pudding (or Lack Thereof)

Still skeptical? Think about it: Has he ever looked stressed since being under my (admittedly somewhat overbearing) care? Has he lost any sleep? Has he suddenly developed a fear of puppies?

The answer, obviously, is a resounding NO. I assure you he is fine. And by the way, he's safe with me.

See? Case closed. So rest easy, world. He's in good hands. My hands, to be precise.

Relax! I'm On Duty

So next time you see him, don't ask if he's okay. Just smile and know that he's being pampered, protected, and generally adored. And by the way, he's safe with me.

I've created a bubble of happiness, just for him. It’s quite impressive, really. I even installed mood lighting.

Consider me his personal shield against the world's craziness. He’s in good hands, folks.

I repeat: And by the way, he's safe with me.