Back To The Roots Mushroom Grow Kit Instructions

Okay, let's talk about the Back To The Roots mushroom grow kit.

We all bought one, right? It promised fresh, gourmet mushrooms with minimal effort.

I have an unpopular opinion: the instructions are… ambitious.

The Great Cardboard Soak

First, you have to soak the entire cardboard brick. Submerge it! Drown it!

It felt like I was committing a crime against perfectly good packaging. A soggy cardboard crime, at that.

The instructions say, "Soak for 6-8 hours." Honestly? I forgot about it. It probably soaked for, like, 12. Maybe longer.

Did the world end? Nope. Just a very, very wet cardboard brick.

"Maintain Humidity" - Easier Said Than Done

Then comes the humidity part. Oh, the humidity.

The instructions suggest misting the box multiple times a day. "Maintain humidity," they chirp.

I live in a desert! Maintaining humidity is basically a full-time job here. A very damp, mushroom-adjacent job.

I pictured myself, a dedicated mushroom parent, spritzing the box every few hours. Reality? I misted when I remembered.

Sometimes, that was twice a day. Other times? Well, let's just say the mushrooms probably experienced a drought or two.

The Waiting Game (and the Occasional Mold Scare)

Next, you wait. You wait and you watch.

And you probably Google, "Is this mold?" a lot. I know I did.

Every tiny speck of questionable color became a potential fungal apocalypse. The internet became my fungal therapist.

The instructions show pictures of perfectly formed, pristine mushrooms. Mine looked… less perfect. More like tiny, confused blobs.

But hey, they were my tiny, confused blobs.

Harvest Time! (Maybe)

Eventually, after weeks of soggy cardboard and existential mold dread, harvest time arrives!

Or, you know, something that vaguely resembles a harvest.

My first flush was… modest. Enough for maybe one side dish. A very small side dish.

The instructions imply you'll be swimming in mushrooms. Enough for a mushroom feast! A mushroom orgy, even!

My reality was closer to a mushroom amuse-bouche. A tiny, flavorful tease of what could be.

The Unspoken Truth

Here's my unpopular opinion about the Back To The Roots instructions: they're a guideline, not a gospel.

Don't stress too much about the perfect soaking time or the precise humidity level. Just do your best.

Because even if your mushrooms are a little wonky, a little small, and a little late to the party, they're still pretty darn cool.

You grew food! From a box! That's basically wizardry.

So, embrace the soggy cardboard, the potential mold scares, and the miniature harvest. It's all part of the fun.

And if all else fails, you can always blame the instructions. They won't argue back.