How To Destroy Your Marriage On Family Feud

Ever watched Family Feud and thought, "Wow, that family is REALLY something"? You’re not alone. But beyond the buzzer sounds and the oversized checks, there's a hidden minefield waiting to explode the seemingly happiest of marriages.

Forget Date Night, It's Feud Night!

Imagine this: You and your spouse, ready to dominate. Matching outfits? Check. Years of accumulated knowledge of vaguely inappropriate survey answers? Double-check. But hold on tight, because Family Feud has a way of unearthing secrets and tensions you didn't even know existed.

Let’s say the question is "Name something people keep in their bedside table."

Round One: The Honeytrap

Your spouse slams the buzzer. Victory! "A gun!" they shout with gleeful confidence. Steve Harvey raises an eyebrow that could launch a thousand ships. The board shows…nothing. Zero. Zilch.

Suddenly, you realize you've never seen a gun in your bedside table. You spend 10 years married with them! In fact, the only thing in your bedside table is a stack of romance novels you hide from them. Your face burns brighter than the studio lights. Did you two even know each other?

The Survey Says... Awkward!

Now, the pressure is on. You stammer out, "A book?" The board reveals a measly number 6. Six people keep a book in their bedside table? Who are these people?! (Probably not Steve Harvey). A silent judgment passes through you, judging your spouse tastes in gun.

The other family cleans up, stealing the points and your dreams of a new car. Back at the family bench, the air thickens. "Why would you say a gun?" you hiss. "Everyone has a gun in their bedside table!" they retort, oblivious. The foundation of your marriage cracks slightly. Prepare for the "discussion" on the car ride home.

Round Two: Under Pressure

Fast forward. You’re in Fast Money. Your spouse goes first. The clock is ticking, Steve Harvey's eyes are boring into their soul. The questions are coming rapid-fire. Then BAM!

Question: "Name a type of cheese." Your spouse, usually a font of cheesy knowledge, freezes. They blurt out, "Chocolate!" Steve Harvey's face is a meme waiting to happen. The audience roars with laughter.

You try to salvage the situation in your round, but the damage is done. You score a respectable number of points, but not enough. The giant "X" flashes on the screen. Failure. You failed. The studio audience are cheering. But what is the point?

The Aftermath: Separate Hotel Room?

The cameras stop rolling. The smiles fade. Suddenly, the matching outfits feel less cute and more like a joint prison sentence. You two are defeated. The marriage that seemed so solid just hours ago is now trembling on the verge of total collapse.

On the way home, silent treatment prevails. You consider feigning a sudden illness just to avoid another minute in the car. Perhaps separate hotel rooms are in order.

The Moral of the Story?

Family Feud is a fun show, but be warned: It’s also a marital stress test disguised as a game. So, before you apply, maybe invest in a few couples counseling sessions. At the very least, familiarize yourselves with the contents of each other's bedside tables. You never know what secrets might be lurking there.

And if your spouse says "chocolate" when asked to name a type of cheese? Just remember, it could be worse. At least they didn't say "gun."