How To Rob The Bank In Valentine

Valentine Bank Heist: A Totally Hypothetical Guide

Okay, let's talk about it. Everyone thinks robbing the bank in Valentine is hard. I disagree. Hear me out!

First, timing is key. Early morning is overrated. Too many folks stirring. Think mid-afternoon. The sheriff's probably napping.

Step 1: The Distraction

You need a good distraction. A bar fight? Classic. Set it off near the bank. Everyone loves a good brawl.

Or, how about this? A "snake oil" salesman. Real loud. Real annoying. Get a crowd blocking the street.

Remember what Arthur Morgan would do: he would do what is necessary and is very clever.

Step 2: The Crew (or Lack Thereof)

Forget a whole posse. Too much noise. Too many shares to split. I'm thinking solo operation.

Maybe one trusted friend. Someone who can keep a lookout. Someone who won't crack under pressure. John Marston, perhaps, if he's available. Probably not.

Step 3: The Entrance (and Exit!)

Front door? Obvious. I'm thinking roof access. No one ever expects the roof. Plus, great view.

Or maybe the side window, near the back. Quick smash and grab. Keep it efficient.

Step 4: Dealing with the Staff

Politeness is key. "Good afternoon, this is a robbery." Makes all the difference.

No need for unnecessary violence. Just get the money. And maybe a free pen. For good measure.

Step 5: The Getaway

Horseback? Predictable. I'm thinking something... different. A stagecoach? A hot air balloon?

Okay, maybe just a really fast horse. Name it something cool. Like Buell.

Step 6: The Disguise (or Lack Thereof, Part 2)

Masks are cliché. Go for subtle. Maybe a funny hat. Or a fake mustache.

Or embrace your true self. Who's going to suspect the person they know?

Step 7: The Loot

Don't be greedy! Grab what you need. Leave some for the bank. They need to pay the bills, too.

Maybe donate some to charity. Makes you feel better about the whole thing.

Step 8: Blame it on Dutch van der Linde

Seriously, that man is always getting into trouble. Blaming it on him is a solid tactic.

Easy scapegoat, everyone will believe you.

Final Thoughts (Totally Hypothetical, of Course!)

So, there you have it. My (completely theoretical) guide to robbing the bank in Valentine.

See? Not so hard after all. Just takes a little planning and a lot of audacity.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a horse to catch. To… ride into the sunset. Yeah, that's it.