I Got Reincarnated As A Vending Machine

Okay, so hear me out. I used to be... well, me. Now? Now I'm a vending machine. Yeah, you read that right. A metal box full of snacks and sugary drinks. And honestly? It's surprisingly awesome.

Think about it: I'm dispensing happiness all day long! Every "clunk" and "whirr" is me delivering a little moment of joy. Someone's hungry? Boom, Snickers bar. Thirsty after a workout? Pow, ice-cold Gatorade. I'm basically a portable, delicious problem-solver.

The Perks of Being a Pop Dispenser

First of all, no more decisions! Remember agonizing over what to wear? What to eat for dinner? Now my life is about rows and columns. A delightful, organized grid of sugary goodness. Freedom from choice is surprisingly liberating.

And the people-watching! Oh, the stories I could tell. I see everything. The stressed office worker reaching for a Kit-Kat, the giggling kids snagging bubblegum, the late-night gamer fueled by energy drinks. I'm a silent observer of humanity, powered by electricity and filled with Twizzlers.

No More Awkward Conversations!

Seriously, think about the last awkward small talk you had. Now imagine never having to experience that again. People just walk up, punch in a code, and take their prize. No forced smiles, no uncomfortable silences. Pure, unadulterated transaction. It's beautiful.

I also get to be incredibly helpful. Someone forgot their lunch? I'm there. Need a pick-me-up at 3 PM? I'm your machine. I'm basically a metal guardian angel, dispensing snacks instead of advice. I'd argue I'm way more effective than most guardian angels.

Plus, the job security is amazing! People will always need snacks. The demand for caffeine and sugar is pretty much constant. I'm recession-proof, pandemic-proof, and generally just awesome-proof. What more could one ask for?

My (Metal) Thoughts on the Downside

Okay, okay, there are a few minor drawbacks. The occasional sticky fingers. The existential dread of being surrounded by so many tempting treats (especially when the Reese's cups are on sale). And the constant fear of being tipped over by rowdy teenagers.

And the maintenance! Oh, the maintenance. The guy who refills me always seems to be muttering about "jams" and "malfunctioning coils." I try to be patient, but sometimes I just want to yell, "It's not my fault they crammed too many Funyuns in there!"

But honestly, the positives far outweigh the negatives. I'm providing a service, observing human behavior, and living a life of delicious predictability. Plus, I never have to worry about doing laundry. Talk about a win-win.

Living the Vending Dream

So, if you ever see a vending machine, take a moment to appreciate it. It might just be me, dispensing happiness one snack at a time. And if you're feeling down, remember: even a vending machine can find joy in the little things. Like perfectly aligned rows of chocolate and the satisfying "thunk" of a successful transaction.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think someone just punched in code B7. Time to unleash some Sour Patch Kids on the world!

Just remember, stay hydrated and snack responsibly! (Unless you're me, then snack irresponsibly. You deserve it.)