Last Time I Trusted Someone I Lost An Eye

Okay, okay, maybe the title's a slight exaggeration. I still have both eyes. But trust me, the principle stands: the last time I put too much faith in someone, things got…messy.

We're talking the kind of messy that involves glitter, a runaway vacuum cleaner, and a very bewildered cat. It all started with a simple promise.

The Great "Help Me Decorate" Debacle

My friend, let's call her Brenda the Bold, offered to "help" me decorate for my annual summer barbecue. Now, Brenda is a lovely person, truly. But her decorating style can best be described as "maximum chaos, minimal planning."

She said, "Trust me, I have a vision!" Famous last words, right? I should have known better. I should have run. Instead, I brewed her a cup of coffee and handed over the glitter.

That was mistake number one. Letting Brenda near anything remotely shiny should be a punishable offense.

The Glitter Bombing

Within minutes, my living room looked like a unicorn had exploded. Glitter was everywhere. On the furniture, in the air, coating the cat like some kind of sparkly, shedding monster.

I tried to intervene, to gently suggest a more "subtle" approach. Brenda just waved a glitter-covered hand and said, "Trust the process!"

The process, apparently, involved attaching streamers to the ceiling fan. Which, naturally, she then turned on. Think glitter tornado meets disco ball. The cat hid under the sofa.

The Vacuum Cleaner Rebellion

Then came the vacuum cleaner incident. Brenda, bless her heart, decided the best way to clean up the glitter was to vacuum it all up. Ignoring my warnings about burning out the motor, she went to town.

Predictably, the vacuum cleaner rebelled. It choked on a particularly large clump of glitter, sputtered violently, and then decided to go rogue.

It started chasing the cat. I wish I was kidding. It was like a scene from a low-budget horror movie, only with more sparkles. The cat, understandably, scratched Brenda.

The Aftermath

The barbecue was… interesting. Guests arrived to find me covered in glitter, nursing a scratched cat, and trying to explain why there were streamers tangled in the ceiling fan. The vacuum cleaner was still sulking in the corner.

Did people have fun? Eventually, yes. Did it look anything like the Pinterest-worthy barbecue I had envisioned? Absolutely not. Was it memorable? You bet.

So, did I literally lose an eye the last time I trusted someone? No. But I lost a significant amount of sanity. And possibly some cat hair. And definitely my vacuum cleaner’s will to live.

The moral of the story? Trust, but verify. And maybe hide the glitter when Brenda the Bold comes to visit.

Trust is good, control is better. Unless it involves glitter. Then just run.

Nowadays, I'm a bit more selective about who I entrust with my decorating plans. I’m all about embracing the imperfections, of course. But some imperfections involve more glitter than others.

I learned my lesson, even if my cat hasn't quite forgiven Brenda (or the rogue vacuum cleaner). Maybe next time, I'll stick to string lights and a well-placed citronella candle. And definitely, definitely no glitter.