Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Star Wars

Okay, people, let's be honest. Is there ANYTHING funnier than Triumph the Insult Comic Dog? Seriously, that puppet is a comedic genius. And you know what else is pure genius? Star Wars. So, what happens when you mush them together? Hilarity ensues, that's what!

Imagine Triumph, with his cigar and his…unique…brand of humor, landing on the Death Star. I can already picture him sniffing around Darth Vader and saying, "For me to poop on! For me to poop on!"

He'd totally roast the Stormtroopers. "Hey, Stormtrooper, nice aim! Did you train at the Helen Keller School for Marksmanship?" Too soon? Nah!

Triumph Takes on Tatooine

Think about it. He'd be perfect for Tatooine! He could hang out in the Mos Eisley cantina, heckling the aliens. Picture him looking at a Rodian and saying, "You look like you got stung by a thousand bees! But funnier!"

He'd definitely have something to say about Jabba the Hutt. Let's just say it would involve pizza stains and questionable hygiene practices. Remember, he is a dog after all! It's what he does!

And the Jawas! Oh man, the Jawas. Triumph would be all over their scavenging skills. "Hey, Jawa, I saw you trying to sell that droid. It's more rusty than my grandma's dentures!"

The Force is Strong With This Insult!

Now, imagine Triumph meeting Luke Skywalker. The insults would be legendary. Something like, "So, you're a farm boy turned Jedi? That's about as believable as my last relationship."

He'd probably try to sniff Yoda. And then make a comment about his height. It's classic Triumph! And we love him for it! Seriously, what's not to love?

And Leia? He would totally hit on her. Badly. Like, "Hey Princess, is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes! (But your brother has better hair)."

Triumph's take on the Force would be amazing. He'd probably say something like, "The Force? More like the Farce! Get it? Because you're all a bunch of nerds! For me to poop on!"

I bet he would even try to trade insults with Emperor Palpatine. "Hey, Palpatine, you look like a melted candle! Did you forget to put on sunscreen?" The Emperor wouldn't know what hit him!

The possibilities are endless! A Triumph Star Wars special would be pure comedic gold. I mean, come on, HBO! Make it happen!

Forget the sequels, forget the prequels, this is the Star Wars we truly need. A Star Wars where a foul-mouthed puppet dog roasts everyone in the galaxy. It's what George Lucas always intended... probably.

So, let's start a petition! Let's flood Conan O'Brien's inbox! Let's make Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Star Wars a reality! The galaxy depends on it! Or, at least, my sense of humor does.

Because, let's face it, the only thing better than Star Wars is Star Wars with a healthy dose of canine-fueled sarcasm. And maybe a little bit of cigar smoke.