When I Die Let The Wolves Enjoy My Bones

Okay, let's be honest. Death isn't exactly a barrel of laughs. But what if we could make our exit a little…wilder? A little more, shall we say, eco-friendly?

The Wolfish Will

I've decided. When my time comes, I don't want a fancy mahogany box or a marble tomb. I want…wolves. Specifically, I want them to enjoy my bones.

Yep, you read that right. Let the wolves feast! I'm picturing it now: a circle of furry faces, crunching away, returning me to the earth in the most natural (and metal) way possible.

A Bone-afide Benefit?

Now, before you call me crazy (too late?), let's think about this for a second. We already know that the funeral industry isn't exactly the greenest business around. All those chemicals, materials, and perfectly manicured lawns take their toll.

What if, instead of all that, we could give something back to the wild? It would be like a final, posthumous act of conservation!

The idea came to me while watching a nature documentary about wolves in Yellowstone. The presenter was talking about how the reintroduction of wolves had revitalized the park's ecosystem. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off above my head. Why not contribute to that revitalization, even after I'm gone?

Logistics and Laughter

Alright, so there might be a few… logistical hurdles. Obviously, I can’t just be dropped off in wolf territory. The paperwork alone would be a nightmare. And frankly, explaining this to my family might be a bit awkward.

“So, Mom, Dad… about the funeral…” I can already hear the gasps.

But that's part of the fun, isn’t it? Imagine the stories! “Remember Aunt Mildred? She always said she wanted to go back to nature. Well, she really meant it!”

A Slightly More Realistic Scenario

Okay, okay, maybe the wolves-eating-my-bones scenario is a tad… ambitious. Perhaps a more practical option would be to donate my body to science, specifically to researchers studying decomposition in natural environments.

There are actually facilities, often called "body farms," that do just that! They allow scientists to study how bodies break down under different conditions, which helps forensic science and our understanding of ecosystems. It is a win-win!

Or, perhaps I'll look into human composting. This increasingly popular method transforms human remains into nutrient-rich soil. That soil could then be used to plant a tree, or nourish a garden. It is a nice way to give back.

The Last Laugh

Ultimately, it's about finding a way to make my death a little less… grim. A little more connected to the natural world.

Whether it's wolves, science, or compost, I want my final act to be one of giving back. To be something a little bit unexpected. A little bit… me.

So, when the time comes, raise a glass. Tell a funny story. And maybe, just maybe, spare a thought for the wolves. Or for those lovely compost worms, they deserve some appreciation!