You Can't Do That On Television 1979
Remember when TV was...weird? Not just a little quirky, but gloriously, unapologetically, splattering-green-slime-all-over-your-face weird? Then, you’re thinking of You Can't Do That On Television, specifically, the golden year of 1979!
The Before Times: A World Without Gunge
Before YCDTOTV, kids’ shows were mostly saccharine. We're talking gentle puppets, well-meaning life lessons, and maybe a mildly mischievous cartoon character. Then, this Canadian show burst onto the scene like a water balloon filled with pure, unadulterated chaos.
Suddenly, saying "I don't know" wasn’t just an admission of ignorance. It was an invitation! An invitation to a deluge of green slime, the infamous gunge, courtesy of the show’s resident executioner, Barth.
Alanis, The Hamburgers, and The Pure Joy of Mayhem
The cast was a delightful mix of young talent and wonderfully wacky adults. Alanis Morissette would join a bit later, but 1979 was already packed with future stars honing their comedic skills.
The sketches were short, sharp, and often absurd. Think Monty Python for pre-teens, only with more food fights and significantly less sophisticated humor (in the best way possible!). One minute you're watching a skit about a school cafeteria, the next, a hamburger is giving you dating advice. Totally normal, right?
Barth, the show’s greasy spoon owner, was a legend. He had a passion for gross food and punishing customers for the slightest infraction. Ordering a hamburger? Prepare for an existential crisis, a lecture on the proper way to eat pickles, and possibly, a helping of something that definitely wasn’t mustard.
"I Heard That!" And Other Catchphrases
The show was overflowing with catchphrases that wormed their way into the brains of anyone who watched it. "I heard that!" would be screamed by the aforementioned Barth whenever someone dared to utter the phrase, usually followed by some sort of… unpleasantness.
Then there was the dreaded "I don't know". It was a dangerous game to play, and it usually ended with someone covered in green slime, which frankly, looked delicious in a weird, toxic sort of way. (Don't try to eat it at home!).
YCDTOTV made you think. It challenged the status quo. No, not really. It mostly made you laugh until your sides hurt and possibly inspired you to prank your friends with green food coloring. And that's a beautiful thing.
Why 1979 Still Matters
You Can't Do That On Television in 1979 wasn't just a kids’ show. It was a cultural phenomenon. It dared to be silly, gross, and completely unpredictable. In a world that often takes itself way too seriously, that's a valuable lesson.
The show proved that kids appreciate smart, irreverent humor. It paved the way for countless other shows that weren't afraid to push boundaries. And it gave us the phrase “green slime” which, let’s be honest, is a gift that keeps on giving.
So, the next time you're feeling nostalgic for a simpler, slimier time, remember 1979. Remember You Can't Do That On Television. And remember: don't say "I don't know." You've been warned!
