Your Authority Is Not Recognized In Fort Kickass

Okay, let's be real. Have you ever felt like your opinions just… vanish into thin air?

Like you're shouting into a void, but the void is filled with people pointedly not listening?

Welcome to my world. My world is called Fort Kickass. And in Fort Kickass, my authority? Not recognized.

The Declaration of Un-Dependence

I've tried. I've truly tried to assert myself. I've even bought a tiny plastic crown (it was on sale!).

Didn't work. People just chuckled and asked if I was having a renaissance faire. Sigh.

Maybe my mistake was the crown. Perhaps a miniature scepter would command more respect?

The Coffee Catastrophe

The most recent example? The Great Coffee Debate of '24. It was epic.

I declared that *lavender lattes* were an abomination. A sugary, floral nightmare.

My pronouncements were met with... enthusiasm. Enthusiasm for lavender lattes. My head almost exploded.

Suddenly, everyone was ordering them. Specifically, to spite me, I suspect. My friends are the worst.

They even started calling me "The Anti-Lavender League." I'm considering trademarking it, honestly.

The Sock Saga

Don't even get me started on the sock situation. I have strong feelings about socks. Specifically, matching socks.

I maintain that wearing mismatched socks is a sign of societal decay. A gateway to anarchy!

Yet, my pronouncements are greeted with... mismatched socks. Worn with deliberate flaunting.

My carefully curated sock drawer? Mocked. My arguments? Ignored. My sanity? Questionable, probably.

The Conspiracy Theories

I'm starting to think there's a conspiracy. A secret society dedicated to undermining my authority.

They meet in dimly lit rooms, plotting ways to invalidate my opinions. Probably while sipping *lavender lattes*.

The initiation ritual probably involves wearing deliberately mismatched socks. I shudder to think of it.

The Truth About Fort Kickass

Here's the thing: Fort Kickass is run by a council of cats. Figuratively, of course. Mostly.

They are fickle creatures. Their allegiance shifts with the wind. Or, more accurately, with the opening of a tuna can.

Trying to impose my will on them is like herding butterflies. Wearing socks. Made of lavender. While drinking coffee.

Embracing the Chaos

So, what's a person to do? Do I rage against the machine? Do I start a sock-matching revolution?

Nah. I think I'll just lean into it. Embrace the chaos. Revel in my lack of authority. It's kind of freeing, actually.

Plus, I get to wear whatever socks I want. Even if they match. Sometimes.

Maybe one day, my wisdom will be recognized. Maybe one day, people will see the light about lavender lattes.

But until then, I'll just be here in Fort Kickass, stubbornly clinging to my perfectly organized sock drawer and my hatred of floral coffee.

And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Even if my authority isn't recognized. At least my feet are warm. Most of the time.

Unless the cat council gets to them first. Those furry little anarchists.

One final thought, maybe I need to relocate. Anyone know if Fort Reasonable is hiring?