I Spent 300 Years Killing Slimes

Okay, unpopular opinion time! I’ve been, shall we say, *busy*. Really, really busy.

Three hundred years busy, to be exact.

My (Slightly) Unusual Hobby

It involves a lot of… well, let's just say *monster eradication*. And before you judge, hear me out.

It's not like I’m out there terrorizing fluffy bunnies. (Though, admit it, sometimes they *do* look shifty.)

No, my target of choice for the past three centuries has been… Slimes.

Why Slimes, You Ask?

Good question! I mean, there are dragons and demons and probably things even scarier that I haven’t met yet.

But honestly? Slimes are just… there. They’re everywhere. And they’re surprisingly annoying.

Plus, have you ever tried stepping in one? Seriously, the stuff is *impossible* to get off your shoes.

It's a public service, really. Think of me as a long-term, extremely dedicated exterminator.

I'm basically Slime Thanos. Okay, maybe not. Thanos had a point, sort of. I just have… strong feelings about ooze.

The Ups and Downs of a Long-Term Project

It hasn’t all been slime-smashing fun and games, of course. There have been challenges.

Like, finding a good weapon that doesn't get completely gummed up after five minutes. Turns out, slime is corrosive. Who knew?

And the existential dread that creeps in around year 200 when you realize you’re basically immortal and your entire life is slime. *Just* slime.

I’ve also learned a lot. For example, there are WAY more types of slimes than I ever imagined.

Who knew there was such a thing as a *Royal Jelly Slime*? Or a *Spiked Slime*? Apparently, evolution is weird, even for blobs of goo.

The (Surprisingly) Good Side

Believe it or not, there are benefits! Like, my combat skills are, let’s say, *refined*.

I can now dispatch a slime with a single, perfectly aimed flick of my wrist. It’s a skill I’m immensely proud of.

Also, I've accidentally become quite wealthy. Apparently, slain slimes drop materials. These materials can be sold. Go figure.

It is enough to buy a pretty nice house and a decent retirement plan.

So, What's Next?

Well, I'm thinking of taking a break. Maybe a vacation.

Somewhere far, far away from slimes. Like, another dimension far away.

Perhaps I'll try baking. Or pottery. Anything that doesn't involve a gelatinous, quivering mass.

But, knowing my luck, I'll probably just end up accidentally inventing a Slime-Proof Oven or something.

The universe has a weird sense of humor, it seems. A very, very slimy sense of humor.

In the meantime, feel free to send recommendations for slime-free activities. I'm all ears. Or, you know, all eyes. Since I don't have ears.

And if you see a slime, give it an extra hard kick for me. You'll be doing a public service.

You know what, maybe the Slime Thanos isn't so wrong after all?

Just kidding! (Mostly.)